Understanding the Masks We Wear

As Life Coaches, we often encounter clients who feel disconnected from their "true selves", struggling under the weight of different identities they adopt in their careers, families, social groups, etc. These identities, or "masks," can sometimes serve useful purposes, but may also contribute to self-sabotage when they begin to overshadow authenticity. Understanding why our clients wear masks and how they might be hindering their personal growth can significantly empower the coaching process.

Masks, metaphorically speaking, represent the versions of ourselves we present to the world, crafted to fit social expectations or our personal objectives. We use masks to fit in, entertain, gain acceptance, or protect ourselves emotionally. Our masks may serve practical functions, such as maintaining professionalism at work or blending into different social groups. For instance, actors, musicians, and writers often adopt stage personas to effectively separate their public roles from their private lives, protecting their identities or enhancing their public appeal.

However, problems arise when these masks prevent genuine self-expression and our clients tend to express this by feeling exhausted, unfulfilled, or confused about their true identity because they've become overly dependent on masks to interact with the world.

So join us on CLCI Live while Jen Long (PCC), Anthony Lopez (MCPC), Brooke Adair Walters (ACC), Jerome LeDuff (MCLC), and Lisa Finck (MCC) explore how you can support your clients when they just want to take off the mask and be their genuine selves!

Common Reasons Clients Mask

Wearing a mask in certain social situations is perfectly natural and as coaches we do it to. At CLCI we call it putting on our "coaching hat" and it is to help facilitate a professional and nonjudgmental environment. Clients themselves might choose to mask for several reasons, including:

• Fear of Rejection: They worry that their true self will not be accepted.

• Social Acceptance: They believe adopting certain behaviors will lead to social belonging or professional success.

• Protection: They use masks to shield themselves from emotional hurt or vulnerability.

As life coaches, it's important to recognize that masks initially worn for protection or acceptance may eventually lead to feelings of inauthenticity, anxiety, or burnout.

How Masks Can Lead to Self-Sabotage

While wearing masks can offer temporary comfort or practical advantages, continuous reliance on these created & maintained identities can eventually sabotage personal development. For instance, clients who consistently mask their emotions to fit workplace norms might later feel disconnected, stressed, or depressed. Similarly, clients masking their true selves in relationships might experience resentment or emotional isolation, undermining the very connections they're trying to foster.

One insightful perspective discussed during our recent CLCI live session involved recognizing that some masking might actually reinforce negative cycles. For instance, masking emotions or truths to avoid conflict can perpetuate misunderstanding and prevent genuine connection or resolution.

The Coaching Opportunity: Supporting Authenticity

For life coaches, recognizing and acknowledging masking behaviors provides a powerful pathway to facilitating growth and self-awareness in clients. The key is not to cast judgement or forcibly remove these masks but to help clients consciously recognize and evaluate their use. Coaches can gently challenge clients by asking reflective questions like:

• "Who are you wearing this mask for?"

• "How is wearing this mask serving you in your current situation?"

• "What would it feel like to remove this mask in certain aspects of your life?"

Encouraging this type of reflection helps clients gain clarity about their true values and identities, enabling them to move towards authenticity at their own pace.

Embracing Balance: Not All Masks Are Bad

It's crucial for coaches and clients alike to acknowledge that some masking can be positive and functional. For example, adopting professional behaviors at work or presenting oneself confidently during important meetings may be necessary and beneficial. The issue arises when these masks are worn too long or without conscious awareness, eventually compromising an individual's authentic self.

Ultimately, coaches should guide clients toward awareness and intentionality in their mask-wearing behaviors. Coaching is most effective when it encourages clients to mindfully distinguish between masks that genuinely support their goals and masks that inhibit personal growth.

Moving Beyond Masks

Masks are a natural part of our behavior as coaches and clients, serving both protective and practical purposes. However, unchecked masking can lead clients toward self-sabotage, distancing them from who they truly are and who they want to become. Coaches have a unique opportunity to support clients in navigating this delicate balance, helping them uncover their authentic selves while consciously deciding when and how to engage with the world.

The next time you feel exhausted or disconnected, pause and ask:

"Am I being myself right now, or am I wearing a mask that's no longer serving me?"

Through intentional coaching and self-reflection, individuals can learn to wear masks effectively without losing sight of who they truly are.

Thank you,

Jen Long (PCC), Anthony Lopez (MCPC), Brooke Adair Walters (ACC), Jerome LeDuff (MCLC), and Lisa Finck (MCC)

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