Are we giving our clients a heavy dose of reality or just squashing their dreams?
Are Your Client's Living in Reality?
Ever had a client insist they’re going to do the near impossible (build a multimillion-dollar empire in three months or fly to Mars next summer) without any plan or resources to back it up? Chances are you’ve encountered what many refer to as an “unrealistic client,” someone whose goals, expectations, or self-assessments don’t quite align with real-world constraints. As a coach, how do you partner with them without squashing their dreams?
According to Forbes and PsychCentral, focusing on curiosity, mutual understanding, and awareness-building can help keep the coaching relationship productive, even if a client’s aspirations initially seem unattainable.
So join us with CLCI Live while Live Jen Long (PCC), Anthony Lopez (MCPC), Brooke Adair Walters (ACC), Jerome LeDuff (MCLC), and Lisa Finck (MCC) so where coaches draw the line with unrealistic clients and how coaches can question their own bias when navigating difficult goals.
Spotting the “Unrealistic Client”
Labeling a client as “unrealistic” is ultimately a a judgment call. Coaches should always default to curiosity first, exploring what drives the client's beliefs before assuming they need to “get real.” It's our job in a sense to expand our own idea of what is real or possible before we start to assign labels. After all, many creative and novel ideas were once thought impossible, until they were actually achieved. That being said, there is only so much we can do and sometimes clients themselves do not have a full grasp of what is achievable, realistic, or reasonable. Here are some ways a client can be perceived as unrealistic:
Outrageous Goals: They might set wildly ambitious targets (lose 50 lbs in three weeks) or timeframes (become the CEO of a company they were just hired at by next month). While these goals are not impossible in the strict sense, there may be some unknowns that need further exploration or the cost to achieve such a goal would outweigh the benefits.
Unrealistic Expectations of Coaching: They believe you the coach will provide quick fixes, solve their problems, or do the work for them—rather than guiding them to their own solutions. This can range from a fundamental misunderstanding of what a coach does to unreasonable demands that are outside of preestablished contacts or norms. (No, we will not answer your calls at 1 AM!)
Extreme All-or-Nothing Mindset: Either they achieve total success immediately, or they give up altogether. There is no in-between and no room for nuance. This can be a tougher nut to crack because this black & white thinking can be incredibly deep-rooted and may tie into other areas outside of the scope of coaching.
Rigid “Fairness” Demands: They can’t accept life’s inevitable setbacks, expecting everything (and everyone) to operate on a perfect moral balance, or for them to be well liked or treated fairly in every situation. This line of thinking can lead to victim mindset and is unfortunately not how the world operates.
So in light of some of the ways client's can be unrealistic, what can we do?
Step 1: Remember Your Own Bias
It’s easy to assume a client’s dream is too big or that their timeline is impossible. But that’s often your personal lens talking. History is full of innovators who were told “that’ll never work!” only to prove everyone wrong.
Coach Check-In: Ask yourself if you’re placing your own limitations on the client. Could you be missing a deeper motivation behind their seemingly outlandish goal? How can the client help bridge that gap?
Step 2: Get Curious—Not Dismissive
Uncover the “Why”
Often, an “unrealistic” goal conceals a more meaningful desire—like proving self-worth, escaping a perceived rut, or helping a loved one. When a client says something seemingly outrageous like, “I want to make it to Mars by next summer,” probe gently:
“What excites you about reaching Mars so soon?”
“How would your life be different if you got there by then?”
"Why Mars? Why not the Moon or Venus?"
"What steps would you need to take to get there?"
This kind of open-ended questioning helps clients examine the deeper reasons behind their ambitions.
Validate & Explore
Rather than saying, “That’s impossible,” respond with “Let’s explore what that might require” or “What would need to happen for that goal to become a reality?” This keeps the session constructive without outright dismissing the client.
Step 3: Reality Testing Without Crushing Dreams
1. Check Resources & Constraints
Ask reflective questions about what resources (time, money, expertise) they have—or don’t have—to achieve the goal:
“What would you need to learn or acquire to make this goal feasible?”
“Who else might need to be involved?”
2. Brainstorm Incremental Steps
If their end goal is massive, help them break it down into smaller milestones. Saying "I'm going to Mars in three-months" is easy, breaking it down into its steps is where the real challenge comes in and can help bring clients back down to earth. As well, it might help show that the goal is truly feasible and will empower the client towards next steps.
3. Encourage Experimentation
Ask if exploring their ideas through small-scale experiments would be valuable. For instance, if they think they can improve their productivity by working longer hours, what can they do to try a new daily schedule for a specific amount of time?
This approach allows them to observe the effects of their changes firsthand, often providing insights that challenge preconceived notions of what is realistic or effective.
4. Prepare for “What If?”
Help them plan for potential roadblocks. Ask, “What happens if you aren’t on track by X-Date? How might you adapt or revise your strategy?”
Step 4: Address Unrealistic Expectations About Coaching
Sometimes the goal itself is fine, but the client views you—the coach—as a miracle worker. They might expect:
Unlimited Access: Calling you at 2 a.m. for life advice
Instant Fixes: Solutions served on a silver platter
No Personal Work: Believing the weekly session alone will magically transform them and have them achieve their goals without actually doing the work outside the session.
What to Do?
Set Boundaries Early: Outline your availability, communication methods, and your role versus theirs in the coaching agreement.
Reiterate the Co-Creation Model: Remind them that coaching is collaborative; they hold the answers, while you provide structure and hold space as a thought partner.
Offer Reality Checks: If they keep pushing responsibilities onto you, ask questions like, “How might you approach this if I weren’t here to solve it for you?”
Step 5: Recognize Patterns & Invite Awareness
When Unrealistic Becomes Chronic
Some clients repeatedly set grandiose goals, fail, then set new ones without addressing underlying issues—like fear of failure or self-sabotage.
Consider a Gentle Confrontation or Share Your Insights
“I notice you often aim for very high targets, then feel discouraged. What patterns do you see here?”
“If you could step outside yourself for a moment, how would you advise a friend in this situation?”
Evaluate Next Steps: If the client continually resists facing reality or becomes stuck in a loop of disappointment, it may point to deeper issues better addressed by therapy or other professional interventions.
Practical Tools & Takeaways
Goal Scaling: Ask clients to rank how realistic they feel their goal is from 1–10. If they say 10, but the rest of their session signals uncertainty, dig deeper.
“What’s In Your Control?”: A powerful question to differentiate between what they can impact and what’s purely external.
Reflective Check-Ins: Use the first few minutes of each session to revisit the plan. “How well did last week’s steps align with your expectations?”
Tiny Wins: Take notice of small, immediate victories to build self-efficacy and help them gauge feasibility.
Labeling a client “unrealistic” can be a slippery slope; it risks imposing your biases or limiting beliefs on them. Instead, approach ambitious or far-fetched goals with open-minded curiosity. Help them reality-check their plans, scale back if needed, or pivot to the deeper motivations underneath.
By asking powerful questions, co-creating an actionable plan, and setting clear boundaries, you can transform seemingly “impossible” aspirations into purposeful, grounded progress. Who knows? Your client’s audacious dream might not be so crazy after all.
Thank you,
Jen Long (PCC), Anthony Lopez (MCPC), Brooke Adair Walters (ACC), Jerome LeDuff (MCLC), and Lisa Finck (MCC)
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