Advice is like an opinion, everyone has one, and they often stink.
Bad Advice
Have you ever found yourself instinctively nodding along to advice, only to realize later that it wasn't really helpful? Bad advice often has a strange allure, leaving us feeling validated and comforted in the moment, even if it's not the best guidance. In our recent discussion, we explored why that is—why bad advice can feel so good, and why we sometimes follow it despite knowing better. Join CLCI Live for a discussion on leadership coaching as Jen Long (ACC), Jerome LeDuff (MCPC), Lisa Finck (MCC), Anthony Lopez (MCPC), and Brooke Adair Walters (ACC) figure out why in life coaching, understanding why people are drawn to bad advice is crucial. And for the record, life coaches don't give advice; instead, they guide clients to find their own answers. This distinction is important to remember because it empowers clients to make decisions that align with their values, rather than simply following prescriptive advice that may not fit their unique situations.
The Allure of Bad Advice
Bad advice often comes wrapped in comforting platitudes or catchy phrases, making it easy to accept without much scrutiny. Phrases like "everything happens for a reason" or "fake it till you make it" can sound empowering because they simplify complex situations, offering an illusion of control or an easy path forward. Psychologists call this phenomenon the cognitive bias towards fluency—we tend to trust information that is easy to process and remember. The catchy nature of these phrases makes them stick, even when they aren’t always aligned with reality.
Another reason why bad advice feels good is that it often absolves us of personal responsibility. When someone else tells us what to do, we shift accountability away from ourselves. It’s comforting to think that if things don’t work out, it's because we followed someone else’s recommendation. This desire to avoid responsibility is a key reason why people seek out advice—to share the burden of decision-making.
For life coaches, it's important to recognize that clients might be drawn to this kind of advice because it offers an easy escape from difficult decisions. Coaches can help clients build the resilience needed to take ownership of their choices, rather than relying on simplistic answers that may not serve them in the long term.
Why We Ask for Advice
Advice-seeking also serves as a tool for validation. When faced with uncertainty, we often look to others to reassure us that we’re making the right choices. The problem is that bad advice can come from people who are overly confident, but not necessarily correct. Bad advice can be delivered with conviction, making it easier for us to believe and follow.
There's also an emotional comfort in taking advice, even if it's misguided. It makes us feel supported, as though we’re not alone in our struggles. We naturally gravitate toward advice that sounds supportive and familiar—even if, upon reflection, it's not very practical. This desire for connection often outweighs our critical thinking, and we end up following advice that feels good rather than advice that is actually good.
In coaching, this tendency is why it's crucial for coaches to avoid giving direct advice. Instead of providing prescriptive solutions, a coach invites the client to explore options and develop strategies that they feel confident about. This approach not only empowers the client but also builds their capacity for independent decision-making.
The Danger of Taking the Wrong Advice
There’s a real danger in acting on poor advice, even when it feels right at the moment. Following well-intentioned but misguided advice can derail our efforts and lead us down paths that aren't suited to our true goals or needs. For instance, acting on the common advice to "follow your passion" might lead someone to overlook practical considerations, like job stability or market demand. This kind of advice, though well-meaning, can push us toward unrealistic or impractical decisions that may not align with our reality.
Another potential issue with bad advice is that it can create a cycle of dependence. When we rely heavily on others for direction, we fail to build the skills necessary to make decisions on our own. This can keep us trapped in a loop where we're constantly looking for external validation and guidance rather than learning to trust our own instincts. The result is a lack of growth and diminished confidence in our ability to navigate challenges independently.
For life coaches, the role is to help clients break free from this cycle. By avoiding the temptation to give advice, coaches create an environment where clients can practice decision-making in a supportive space, thereby strengthening their confidence and autonomy.
How to Discern Good Advice From Bad
So, how do we separate helpful advice from harmful advice? One method is to look at the source. Are they credible? Do they have "skin in the game"—meaning, do they have a stake in the outcomes they’re advising on? Another approach is to cross-check advice with multiple sources, making sure that what you're hearing isn’t just popular, but actually sensible. The most effective advice often comes from those who are where you want to be, and who have been through what you’re facing.
Yet in coaching, the goal is not to provide advice but to facilitate self-discovery. Coaches use powerful questions to help clients explore their own beliefs, motivations, and potential strategies. This not only ensures that the solutions are tailored to the client's needs but also reinforces the client's ability to discern good strategies from bad.
Another key factor in discerning good advice is understanding your own biases and emotional state. Sometimes we are drawn to advice that simply confirms what we already believe or want to hear—this is called confirmation bias. Being aware of this tendency can help you recognize when you're choosing advice because it's comforting rather than because it's genuinely beneficial. Challenging yourself to consider opposing viewpoints or advice that makes you uncomfortable can sometimes be the key to real growth.
Building Resilience Against Bad Advice
Building resilience against bad advice requires both critical thinking and emotional awareness. The next time you're tempted to follow advice, ask yourself a few key questions: Is this advice coming from someone with experience and credibility in this area? Does it align with my values and long-term goals? Am I seeking this advice because I genuinely need it, or because it makes me feel better in the moment?
Another way to strengthen your resilience is to learn from your experiences with bad advice. Reflect on the times when following poor guidance led to negative outcomes. What signs did you overlook? How could you have approached the decision differently? By analyzing past situations, you can better prepare yourself to recognize and resist bad advice in the future.
In coaching, building resilience means helping clients develop their own internal compass. By asking clients reflective questions and exploring why clients do or don't trust their judgment, coaches can help clients become less susceptible to the allure of bad advice.
Thank you,
Jen Long (ACC), Jerome LeDuff (MCPC), Lisa Finck (MCC), Anthony Lopez (MCPC), and Brooke Adair Walters (ACC)!
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